What has really gotten you to where you are now? how did you get here? Was it luck, coincidence or maybe a circumstance that you never foresaw coming, whatever it is, you have come far don’t you? You probably never imagined to be in your current predicament, I know I don’t. I always thought I am going to have an orthodox job, something that my old folks wanted me to be, a doctor, a lawyer or an engineer.
To be completely honest with you I thought I was going to be a priest. After attending a mass in my hometown church I remember what the priest had said during his sermon. A person can become whatever he wants to be, and make a name for himself, he can be a doctor, an architect, a lawyer each one is vital to society, but to be a priest he says, he can be all of this, a doctor as a healer of the heart, a lawyer for he fights for the virtues of the church, an engineer for he builds bridges between man and God. When I was a 12-year-old kid that sounded, well very noble but now that I think about it, it sure as hell sounds corny.
He was right though, we can always choose to be who we want to be, but that depends. A lot of it will be riding on, your motivations, aspirations, inspirations and who you surround your life with. Now that I think about it, every season of my life had a different flavor.
At the ages of 5-10 I remember I wanted to be a carpenter, because our house was undergoing a lot of construction, I remember hanging out with these carpenters and they would let me tinker with their tools and give me something to work on, whether to hammer a nail into a piece of a wood or cut a piece using a hand saw.
From 10-14 I was growing up inside a boarding school we call it “The Seminary” I was being groomed to be a man of the cloth if you will, so all I was thinking about was to become a priest, my peers are also the same we were brain washed to someday become priests for our hometowns, we were basically locked up in a monastery where the only thing we do is study, sleep, pray and play. It was fun living with boys the same age as me back then. There were about 34 kids in my freshman class and 18 graduated and only 1 became a full pledged priest, it was kind of hardcore to be in that situation because it’s basically like boot camp but it lasts for four years never to see family. I wonder how our parents felt back then, I can’t imagine handing my kid to a bunch of priests and not be able to see them for four years.
After I graduated from the seminary I started college right away, as a 15-year-old kid I really don’t have an idea what degree to get, as a good Filipino son I let my parents decide. They told me to take up Nursing because it was in demand at that time, and it would provide me a lot of opportunities to work abroad, and so I did. I never really knew how I graduated with flying colors, I hated the sight of blood, or body being mutilated, whenever I was performing practicums I’d turn away and instantly feel nauseated, to the point where I’ll almost pass out.
But I grinded, I stayed through the course, I was good at hitting the books. I was good at masquerading my fears and went through hell during my college years. Additionally, I had good classmates, they helped a lot, I have built excellent relationships and made friends.
I passed the board exams and ultimately became a registered nurse, unfortunately I did not pursue the career path of being in the medical field at all. All those years of learning was not necessarily useless. I know more about the human body and its functions compared to the average person, I am well versed with its anatomy and know how to take care of it better than a pedestrian do.
Now, I am still pursuing different things, more of it actually, but I am still the same, I like being busy, I like discovering things and learning new stuff. I discovered that I have a knack for a lot of things but sometimes I give up too quickly and not really accomplish what I set to do. Part of it stems from the regret and predicament I was put through during college, I feel like having to graduate and partake in a course that I disliked left a bad taste in my mouth, it’s as if everything I set out to do will always disappoint me at the end, but I digress, the point here is that when you find something you are passionate about it is easier for you to go through the hardship compared to when someone placed you in a certain situation.
I think the current me would fist bump the young me for sticking through college even though it was hard, he showed me that I am capable of a lot of things including surviving through difficult situations and to never give up, so now that I have the authority to navigate my life I should be able to stick to my game plan, execute, finish and follow through.
There will be a lot of challenges to come, most of it will be internal struggles, which causes me more affliction in comparison to external negativity, with all the things I want to accomplish I believe that you and I face similar struggles. Here are some of mine:
Writing
I have been writing consistently for about a year now, when I read someone’s work I know what good creative writing looks like, but my struggle is coming up with great writing of my own. It was difficult in the beginning when all I see is a blank page staring at me, let alone ideas to come about.
The other struggle I came across is to put ideas into words and when I find the words I find even better words. Some words do sound better than the other even though they mean the same thing. To this day I still feel like I can improve a lot of my old work, and even worse I still doubt that I am producing decent work but that is not up to me to judge.
Weight lifting
I have over 10 years’ worth of experience when it comes to the gym, I know a good deadlift and squat technique when I see one, but when I perform these exercises I feel like I am not recruiting the correct amount of muscles doing them. I have had a couple of injuries lifting weights and these are absolutely results of poor technique and huge ego. Honestly, I should know my body more than anybody but I think that’s where I struggle a lot, sometimes I push my body too hard when I should be resting and should be working harder when I’m resting, still working on these.
Martial arts
I started training Jiu-jitsu when I was 17 years old, I was a white belt, but while training I had a serious injury, I tore my rotator cuff, and then I stopped completely, 10 years later I have found my passion in martial arts again. I am still a white belt, I have experienced a lot of regret when it came to my martial arts journey, I wished I didn’t stop training, who knows I might have been a purple, brown or black belt by now, but whatever, it is what it is. I quit because I couldn’t train properly and I didn’t really seek medical attention, I did a typical guy thing to do, left it to heal on its own, to this day I still feel the effects of my injury, but I’m back on the mats again training like never before.
Now I definitely know if a grappler is good or not, I always think of myself as a decent one but never seem to execute techniques I have studied and learned, I know some of the good and meta grappling techniques, but I struggle most of the time to perform them. Only time will tell how much I can grow, I believe I will only get better if I keep going.
Public speaking
I have watched and listened to dozens of podcasts and presentations, like me, a person would quickly know and realize if the speaker is good or not, but when you get on that stage, will you be able to present or speak better than them? Will your ideas be conveyed better than how they delivered? I am still working on this not only because English is my second language but I don’t have ample opportunities to speak publicly, not that I aspire to be a presenter or a speaker one day but I think having this as an available skill at your disposal will be very helpful for a lot of individuals.
People say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, true, it is very subjective, but we often objectify our own work and decide that it isn’t good enough, sure, you should be good enough to produce something and I believe that you are qualified to know if your work is good enough. The truth is it is easier to identify great work than creating it, but you shouldn’t quit, remember why you started this and that you will only get better if you keep going and growing on the path that you chose, don’t quit or else you won’t get anywhere.
XERGIUS 