Let’s be honest. Not everyone enjoys conversation, especially when they become intellectually taxing.
Introverts often cite great struggles in social situations. I would know- I’m one myself. It can often feel like we’re trying to tread above turbulent waters when discussions escalate at a breakneck pace.
Verbal communication, however, is unavoidable and often important to succeed in life.
The first 25 or so years of my life had been marred by difficult experiences in social settings. Whether on a one-on-one basis or among a group, I would often myself struggling to come up with relevant things to say or contribute. It can be very deflating to feel like that wallflower who can’t hold their own in a conversation or group discussion.
If you can relate to this, it may be sign that you are too much in your head during conversations.
You may be trying to put on an image to impress others. You may be hesitant on account of not wanting to sound dumb. (We may feel these sentiments when talking among people who we deem high value, or “alpha”.)
In any case, you are self-monitoring your communication to the point that you become stifled (i.e. very tight and hesitant).
Get into the habit of talking much louder than normal
Boosting my vocal projection (almost to a comical point) was easily the most effective hack I’ve implemented to improve my social life.
I’m not saying to shout at the top of your lungs. But talking as loud as reasonably possible accomplishes the following:
- Frees up mental resources that you had been using to regulate your own speech, so that you think with better clarity.
- Allows you to hear back your words, and thus follow your stream of thinking better.
- Suggests in your mind that you are more of a leader, and thus someone who dictates the tempo of conversations.
All of this is to say that when you talk louder, you are more likely to complete the thoughts you are trying to express, even if you have not fully formulated your thoughts.
Talking loud means talking more deliberate, in a less scrambled way. Think of this as the oratory equivalent of “organizing your appearance and your mind will follow”.
When you are not loud, your brain is more likely working come up with the perfect thing to say. (That is why introverts who are more self-reflective and verbally guarded come off as more “soft spoken”.)
What you should do
Starting this moment, you will make a concerted effort to talk loud in EVERY interaction you have.
If you’re not used to projecting your voice, don’t be afraid to yell at first. I guarantee that you won’t sound as loud as you think you do! (We all have a self-bias of thinking that we talk louder than we actually do.)
Don’t worry too much about what you say. Disregard the content of your speech for now. Focus solely on volume projection and the words you try to access during conversation will naturally come to you.
Go as far as to talk loud, to yourself, whenever you are at home alone. It seems silly but this is practice where you really don’t have anything to lose, or incur any embarrassment.
Normalize quickly in your mind that you will always sound louder than the person you are talking to.
You will find that your conversations (which were previously rigid) will flow a lot better.
Editorial Contribution by: Thurston Lui
XERGIUS.COM 